Episode Transcript
[00:00:01] Yeah. So as Amber said, I get to start off with a bang with anxiety. This is kind of a hot topic as something that a lot of kids deal with now. You should have seen when you walked in. There is a notebook in front of you. You are more than welcome to use that if you want. It will follow along with the emotions that we talk about. There's a page where you can fill in some of the questions that I'm going to be talking about. There's also a blank page. If you brought your own notebooks, use those as well.
[00:00:26] But anxiety, so what is anxiety? Here's the thing that I want to know. Anxiety is a signal. It is not a sin. What I mean by that is that it is an invitation to trust God with what we can't control.
[00:00:45] And so anxiety is a word we use a lot. It's almost like a buzzword when we talk about emotions, especially in today's generation. But what can that look like? Other words for that are worry, stress, unease.
[00:00:58] Maybe they're overwhelmed or they're nervous.
[00:01:01] Anxiety is a feeling of worry that something in our future is unseen. It is something that we cannot control. Anxiety is trying to signal to us that something in our future is in potential danger. That danger may not even actually be present, but that is what anxiety is trying to do. And at its core core, often it comes from a desire for control, safety and certainty.
[00:01:31] And so what is anxiety trying to communicate to you? Here's what I want you to know. Anxiety is a natural response to the stressors in life. So as your children and as you experience emotions that relate to anxiety, know that that's natural.
[00:01:50] It is not a sin. It is a signal. It is your body trying to help you and protect you for things that are coming in your future.
[00:01:58] Oftentimes that looks like somebody saying, hey, something feels unsafe or uncertain. I don't feel like I'm in control or what if something goes wrong?
[00:02:09] Anxiety is pointing to what we value and it's trying to help us maintain safety in those. And so how does it motivate us? Well, it motivates us by driving us to planning, plan. Sometimes it's overthinking and sometimes it's avoidance.
[00:02:25] We're going to talk about fear later. But unlike fear, which is talking about immediate presence, anxiety is talking about future presence or future focus. So it's talking about the what ifs of the future.
[00:02:39] It motivates us to seek again certainty, control and safety.
[00:02:44] But when left unchecked, anxiety can steal peace and prevent growth.
[00:02:50] What you need to know is that we were never meant to have complete control, complete certainty, and complete safety in this broken life. But anxiety can push us, when we trust God through it, to grow closer to him and trust God with what's beyond our control.
[00:03:06] And so how does anxiety present?
[00:03:09] There's many ways that this presents, but typically physically, it is emotional or upset stomachs. There's headaches, trouble sleeping, racing hearts.
[00:03:22] Behaviorally, that can look like avoidance, procrastination, needing reassurance, or even withdrawing.
[00:03:31] Especially in kids, it might look like clinginess or meltdowns, perfectionism, or saying, I don't feel good. Often, because anxiety is a big emotion, and oftentimes we don't understand how to communicate that with others.
[00:03:45] And so as they're growing in their maturity and understanding their emotions, it's going to look like a range of different ways that they're trying to communicate that to you.
[00:03:55] So just be mindful for things that look different than their normal, because every child is different. Every child is gonna present that differently to you. And they're trying to communicate something that they may not even fully understand.
[00:04:10] What we want to do with each of our emotions tonight is also look at what the Bible says about it.
[00:04:18] In the old testament.
[00:04:20] Psalm 94:19 says, when my anxious thoughts multiply within me, your comfort delights my soul. Right then and there it says, when my anxious thoughts continue to multiply, your comfort delights my soul. Meaning when we are in step with God and we are in God's presence, he can help take away some of those anxieties. It's not saying that anxiety doesn't happen. It's saying when it happens. When we step into God's presence, he can help comfort that again. In the New Testament, it says, cast all of your anxieties on him because he cares for you. That's first Peter 5, 7.
[00:05:00] And even Jesus gives us the example of anxiety. When he's in the garden of Gethsemane right then and there. He is 100% experiencing anxiety because he knows what is coming in his future and it's giving him deep anguish. It says he is sweating drops of blood. That is anxiety. But what I love about that moment is not only Jesus being fully man and fully God at that time, experience a fully human emotion of anxiety, but he also shows us what to do with it immediately. He prays in that garden and he says, God, I cannot deal with this on my own, but be with me.
[00:05:41] God doesn't shame anxiety. He invites us to bring it to him.
[00:05:47] And so the invitation is don't feel anxious. It is, don't carry it alone.
[00:05:52] That is what we need to communicate with our kids.
[00:05:56] When they feel anxious, it is not a sin. It's their body sending them a signal that something that they value in the future is under attack.
[00:06:06] We want to invite them to bring God into it and give it to God because he cares for them and he wants to love them through that and help them carry those emotions.
[00:06:17] So what are some common missteps when we look at anxiety?
[00:06:21] Oftentimes it looks like dismissing it, just saying, hey, calm down, you're fine, or shame making the person feel weak or guilty for struggling.
[00:06:31] Sometimes it means overprotecting or avoidance, trying to take the thing away that is causing anxiety instead of building what we call resilience.
[00:06:40] So oftentimes kids need to develop resilience, meaning when they're younger, they experience smaller problems. And so taking those small problems away quickly, they miss that chance to learn what to do when they struggle in that. So when they experience anxiety, if you take it away, then they're like, okay, great, I didn't have to learn how to walk through it. And so when we try to overprotect, sometimes it ends up creating more harm. And so letting them build that resilience so that when they get older and they mature, mature and their problems mature, they have something to fall back to being. I remember when I experienced this when I was young and I worked through it and God helped me.
[00:07:19] And so as they get older, they can go back. And that's what we just like call resilience. Another thing I think is really important, and I think it goes for all of these emotions. A misstep we have is over spiritualizing it. Saying that prayer alone is going to fix it. Because here's the deal, it doesn't, but it's a good start.
[00:07:40] Prayer, scripture, memory, all of these things. We know what to do with our emotions, but that doesn't mean that they go away instantly. And praying it away is not gonna happen. And we talked about earlier that there is. Sometimes when clinical help is needed, that is an okay step. It doesn't mean you don't trust the Lord. It just means that you are walking through that with your child in a way that they need.
[00:08:02] And so don't over spiritualize it. We pray just like Jesus prayed in that garden, but that doesn't mean his anxiety went away, but he trusted God through it all. And so some practical tips I would love to just give you real fast.
[00:08:16] One thing is limiting your phone usage when you're younger and for as long as you can. Because here's the reality. When you're scrolling through your phone, let's say Instagram, you see a post that makes you happy and then a post that makes you sad, and then a post that makes you like, oh, they were all hanging out without me, and I just don't like, why was I not invited? Or we experience all these emotions at different times. The reality is our brains were never meant to compute all of those emotions in that quick amount of times. We just can't handle it. And so without knowing it, we're creating a sense of anxiety, of like, oh, my gosh, I don't feel secure, I don't feel safe. It's uneasy. I don't know what's going on inside my brain. It's all going crazy, which is unease. And so oftentimes, limiting that screen time is one of the best ways to teach your child at a young age to not develop that habit of anxiety.
[00:09:07] I talk about it all the time and I love it. If you've never watched the inside out movies with your kids, do it.
[00:09:13] They're great ways to start conversations of emotions with your kids. The first and the second one. The second one highlights anxiety. We actually are using those in kids as we teach through these emotions, we. We will be highlighting the different emotions that they talk about in the movies. Something I love that anxiety does at the very end when they realize, hey, she can be helpful when she's healthy.
[00:09:36] Joy says, hey, anxiety, we can't control that, but what can we control?
[00:09:40] And so helping your kids challenge those anxious thoughts of saying, hey, I know that we're nervous and we're anxious about this. We can't control it. But what is something in our present that we can control? Oftentimes that's like, hey, we have a Spanish test coming up. Let's study for that.
[00:09:56] Helping them know that worry is useful, but it shouldn't control their day, because often that is just one way to help them navigate anxiety in a healthy way rather than an unhealthy way.
[00:10:11] Something real quick. My last one, and then I'm going to move it on to Joy is in those attacks of anxiety when it feels like your child cannot get out of a spiral. Feel something that is really helpful is something called 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. It's just a breathing exercise, but it's also a calming exercise. You look at five things you can see, have them call it out. What are five different things you can see right now? This is calling their mind to the present and what's in front of them rather than it's getting them out of that future spiral.
[00:10:43] Then you say four things you can feel, have them feel. Four different things around you.
[00:10:48] Three things you can hear, have them stop, listen to the surroundings. Two things that you can smell. Again, you're just calming their body. And then one thing you can taste. Sometimes that's just taking them out for ice cream or a treat, giving them something that they want. But again, that's just calming your body and your mind and bringing it back into reality. And so anxiety is a big emotion and I could talk about it for four days, but this was just a quick synopsis of what this is. And I hope you take away that anxiety is not a sin and it's not bad. It's your body giving you a signal and we need to help foster that in our kids.
[00:11:28] And with that, that's. Oh yes, my book.
[00:11:33] You saw a whole thing of resources out there. But this one I have loved. It's called the Anxious Generation. It is not a Christian centered book, but it's got some really good practical tips in here. So just read that with that in mind.
[00:11:48] This would be a book I absolutely recommend for any age. It's not just kids and it's not just students. And it's also good for you because we all experience anxiety.
