Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] So the next emotion that we are gonna talk about is sadness.
[00:00:05] That took a turn. Woo.
[00:00:10] So from joy to sadness. All right.
[00:00:15] Okay. So sadness seeks connection.
[00:00:18] So when we think about the emotion of sadness, it is seeking connection. What are some other words that we typically see or hear of when we think about sadness?
[00:00:28] Grief, sorrow, depression, melancholy, despair or dejection.
[00:00:37] Lots of other words. Even more that you see on your wheel, of course as well. But what does sadness communicate? So sadness communicates an experience of loss. That can be a loss of health, it can be a loss of a relationship, it can be a loss of a physical person, a death.
[00:00:56] It could be a loss of a toy or a souvenir, it could even be through a betrayal. That would be a relationship as well.
[00:01:04] All kinds of things. But grief hurts so deeply because it makes us aware of just how good of a gift God gave us in the first place.
[00:01:15] The sadness that we feel when we love things and people declares that God's goodness and having God given them to us, that long walk that we could take when we were healthy, that person that we could talk to when they were with us physically, that friendship that once was but now doesn't exist in this season of life, that thing that was so important to you, that is lost and you can't find it.
[00:01:41] So I want you to see too that one of the things that we can look at when we're sad is also the gratitude that we ever had it in the first place. That great gift that we were given.
[00:01:51] But how does it relate? In the absence of loss, we rightly yearn for the simple presence of the others who are still with us that hasn't been lost. So whenever you might lose a relationship because they've moved on, betrayal, or it's just another season of life, or whether you have physically lost someone in death is just to remember that the people who've lost that they're gonna see your kids, you, your students, they're gonna seek connection with the people who are safe, who have not changed. So sometimes they're gonna be a little bit needier, they're gonna wanna be around you just a little bit more. They're gonna be a little bit more talkative or even perhaps withdrawn. But you are going to be the presence that helps them to be able to stay connected.
[00:02:41] We have to realize that grief is diverse. Whether it's a thing or a person or a relationship, whatever that is. Everyone grieves different, differently. Which also points to the unique way that God made every single individual. Some of us are gonna grieve in faster and some are gonna grieve slower, some are gonna grieve more out loud. Some are gonna be inward. And guess what? Some of that's also gonna come and go in seasons and we're gonna experience all of it.
[00:03:08] But how does it motivate? Well, it's kind of like a wound. Our instinct is to be compassionate and caring.
[00:03:16] It creates a basic reflex of love.
[00:03:20] So when we learn to speak our grief to people, when we learn to tell them, this is what I'm struggling with or this is what makes me sad, this is for you as an adult, but also for your students and also for your kids when they can begin to communicate that because of the way that God's made us, it's automatically gonna bring out a compassion in people.
[00:03:39] It's automatically going to want to bring a connection instead of just frustration or confusion of. I don't get it. I don't know why you're withdrawing. I don't know why you're acting like this. I don't understand the outburst or whatever that thing is, but how does it present so physically? Oftentimes you're gonna notice that some of these emotions present very similarly. So here's the big thing I do want you to hear. I got to sit with a mom, I think it was last week, and she was saying, hey, I noticed my kid was really struggling with. With this particular thing. But then it occurred to me there might be a deeper root to what this was about. And I was like, great job, mom. Great job. Don't ignore that behaviors are communicators.
[00:04:22] So when you see a behavior they're trying to communicate to you, but stomach aches, headaches, tantrums, sleep changes, appetites, outbursts, tears at the drop of a hat are all trying to tell you something. And as a parent, as an overseer, as a guardian, our job as shepherds of our parents hearts, excuse me, of our children's heart. We are shepherds of their hearts, is to help them understand what that is and why and how it can point them to the Lord. Oftentimes we see behaviors, we'll see that they may be irritable, we may see a decline in grades sometimes I thought this was really interesting in preparing for this, is that for some kids, when parents aren't talking to them or parents aren't helping them, they become passive aggressive. But it means on the outside they're just gonna be like, mm hmm, mm hm mm, everything's fine. But they're gonna look for aggressive ways to get back at you. For not connecting with them without even realizing it. So sometimes you'll see that kids, you know, and students and adults will turn to those excessive measures because that's gonna be their way of going. Mom and dad wouldn't approve of this, so I'll show them and this passive yet aggressive way. But what does God say about it? How can sadness draw me closer to him? The thing that we have as believers is that no matter what we've lost or how deep the grief, we do have hope.
[00:05:50] Psalm 42:11 says, why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God, for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.
[00:06:02] Psalm 34:18. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted, and he saves the crushed in spirit.
[00:06:09] And finally, Matthew 5:4. Blessed are those who mourn. They shall be comforted not they might, they shall, they will.
[00:06:20] In kids, over the next few weeks, when we talk about sadness, the Old Testament example we're going to talk about is Elijah, right? Elijah just has this incredible success.
[00:06:29] The Lord has worked through him to defeat armies, the prophets of baal, Big deal. All of a sudden, somebody comes at him with one thing, and all of a sudden he's like, in a state of depression.
[00:06:40] He quickly forgot the power of the Lord that had delivered him. And it was something that someone said or did that caused him to turn inward. But here's what we're going to learn from Elijah is that, hey, sometimes just a snack and a nap can go a long way.
[00:06:56] You know what I'm saying? So read that passage in 1 Kings 19, as the angel of the Lord visits and talks with him.
[00:07:04] When we have feelings of depression or sadness, it's okay to sit in them for a little bit, but it's important to find the courage to take the next step forward. And that's our job as parents and as overseers, as ministers, is to help your kids take that next step.
[00:07:20] Jesus understands our emotions. Scripture's clear about this. He is an empathetic high priest. Hebrews chapter 4, verses 14 through 16 tell us that.
[00:07:30] So do we ever see him sad? We do actually see him sad. He wept over Jerusalem. Remember when he wept over their sin as he was standing looking at the city?
[00:07:44] Adi talked about this a little bit earlier. He didn't want to have to suffer and die. His tears turned to blood.
[00:07:50] When Lazarus died, he. He wept.
[00:07:53] So as Jesus is experiencing sadness, there is no shame in sadness. There's gratitude. Gratitude for the gift that we've been given and hope. In Revelation 21:4 that he will wipe away every tear from our eyes. Death will be no more.
[00:08:10] Neither shall thou be mourning or crying or pain, for the former things will be gone.
[00:08:16] So what are some common missteps when we're parenting our children or when we're shepherding their hearts? We need to be a companion, not a fixer.
[00:08:25] Don't minimalize their feelings, trying to fix it, rushing the process.
[00:08:32] Don't neglect. I already kind of touched on this a little bit. Don't neglect changes in physical behaviors. When you're seeing a difference in your child's behaviors, the behaviors are communicating to you. It's our job to figure out what they're trying to communicate because they don't even always know.
[00:08:49] Another misstep that we often make is that we don't speak in clear language. And I mean this even with kids, especially about death, we have to use concrete, honest language. Our children are smart. Our students are smart. One of the worst things that we do sometimes in grief, whether it's our grief that they're secondhand experiencing or their grief, is sometimes we try to remove them from it as though we're protecting them. But the reality is when we remove them from that, we're actually isolating them instead of walking with them through it.
[00:09:26] So those are some of the common missteps. What are some practical things?
[00:09:30] Listen.
[00:09:32] Help them identify the emotion, provide an outlet for them.
[00:09:38] Read about it. We've got lots of books, all ages. Read about it. Listen to music, to a book, to a podcast.
[00:09:45] Sensory play. I don't care how old you are. Play. D'oh. Fidgets, rice, water.
[00:09:52] Physical activity. Running, walking, exercising, playing sports, dancing. If they're artists, painting.
[00:10:00] Also, providing routine. Routine is really helpful when you're walking through a season of sadness.
[00:10:07] Deep breathing. Deep breathing is good for really any emotion out of control, right? We always say, breathe in the flower, blow out the candle.
[00:10:17] Breathe in the flower, blow out the candle. Okay, that's something that you can do. Give them a safe space at home and make sure that they're connecting with people and use it as a way to express gratitude. And I can't leave this section without saying this.
[00:10:33] As someone who's walked through quite a bit of sadness myself, one of the best things that I've learned in A Season of Sadness is Biblical lament.
[00:10:41] There's a great book, and I didn't even think about it until this time a few moments ago. It's called Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy. I cannot pronounce the guy's name, but just look up Deep clouds, dark clouds, deep mercy. Thank you. Basically, it talks about walking through psalms and lamentations and looking. We turn and complain. We tell God, hey, this really stinks. And I don't like it. And I'm sad or I'm mad or this is just unfair.
[00:11:10] The second thing that we see in laments is that we ask for help. You gotta help me, Lord. I will not make it. You have got to help me. You gotta show up. And then at the very end of lament is affirming trust by remembering he's been faithful in the past, he will continue to be faithful in the future. This is something that you would do your children and your students and yourself a favor to learn about biblical lament.
[00:11:35] So sadness seeks connection. The one resource that I wanna highlight for children is why do I feel sad? This is a great one that just kind of walks with kids through different ways that it can appear physically, emotionally. And, hey, let's be honest, sometimes I write books for kids, but that's really the level we needed. Okay, so that's what I got for you.
