Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Alright, our next emotion is love.
[00:00:06] So what is it?
[00:00:08] Well, love is more than a feeling.
[00:00:12] It's a selfless inaction, but strong in affection.
[00:00:19] So oftentimes I'll tell teenagers in our ministry not to make up their own definition and so so that we can avoid that too.
[00:00:31] Let's look at what scripture defines love as. So straight out of First John, chapter 3, verse 16 and 17, it defines love this way.
[00:00:43] It says, this is how we know what love is.
[00:00:47] Jesus Christ laid down his life for us and we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters.
[00:00:54] If anyone has material possession and he sees a brother or sister in need, but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person?
[00:01:05] Dear children, let us not love with word or speech, but with action. And in truth.
[00:01:16] This love, this affection, infatuation, this longing, obsession, kindness, loyalty, compassion, these are all words that we often interchange with love.
[00:01:34] Ultimately, love communicates a longing or affection for something or someone and it motivates us to selfless action.
[00:01:50] So how does love present?
[00:01:53] Well, there are four kinds of love that we're going to break down.
[00:01:58] Some you may know, some of you, this may be brand new.
[00:02:03] And as I kind of walk through this, parents think about which one of these describes your kid. And if you've got more than one kid like me, you're thinking maybe, maybe this one describes one kid. And I'm seeing a lot of out of my first child, but my second child, this one over here is kind of where they're living in right now. So think that through. As we walk through these.
[00:02:27] The first kind of love that we're going to talk about is agape love.
[00:02:33] This love towards compassion or charity, towards looking out for someone else.
[00:02:43] Matthew 22 says this about agape love.
[00:02:48] Jesus replied, love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it to love your neighbor as yourself.
[00:03:04] Matthew 5 uses this agape love as well. It says, you've heard that it was said, love your neighbor and hate your enemy. But I tell you, love your enemy and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven.
[00:03:20] So this agape love, physically it turns into helping someone. It turns into compassion, to charitable giving.
[00:03:32] Emotionally it moves us. Because our neighbor is in need or because a tragedy has happened or because someone's in need of help, we are moved emotionally.
[00:03:47] And sometimes if you have a child who has a hard time Trying to explain why they feel the way that they feel.
[00:03:57] Well, it's because they've seen someone hurting, and all they want to do is help.
[00:04:02] And so behaviorally, it's this move to action.
[00:04:07] When we experience agape love, we are changed in our hearts, and it causes us to want to act upon it.
[00:04:16] That's agape love. Next is storge, or family affection love.
[00:04:23] This is a devotion that's built on time, right? This is parent and children, or even sibling to sibling.
[00:04:31] We see this love described in Exodus, where it says, to honor your father and mother so that you may live long in the land that the Lord God is giving you.
[00:04:42] Physically, we have a call to action to stand alongside our family.
[00:04:48] And emotionally, there is a bond between siblings and a bond between family that is different than any other bond that's out there, right? It is a loyalty. Behaviorally, it is sticking together for each other.
[00:05:04] It's different than friendship. It's different than romantic relationships. It is a different kind of love because you are family.
[00:05:15] So we've talked through agape, we've talked through storge, and now phileo.
[00:05:21] Phileo. Friendship.
[00:05:25] We see this in Hebrews 13. It says, Be devoted to one another in love.
[00:05:31] Honor one another above yourself.
[00:05:35] That was Romans 12. Excuse me. Hebrews 13 says, Keep on loving one one another as brothers and sisters. This friendship, love.
[00:05:47] Physically, when my friend hurts, I hurt.
[00:05:51] When they're good, I'm good, right? Emotionally, this is a protector level, because if something's gone on with my friend, I want to show them that I'm their friend by being there for them.
[00:06:06] Often, this is a level of care from student to student, from friend to friend that is different or even more than siblings in the teen years.
[00:06:20] Behaviorally, it's replicating behaviors of your friends.
[00:06:28] Those whom we love, we're going to spend more time with, and ultimately are often very alike. And so that. That's why we see groups of teenagers and groups of students that are often very similar in their behaviors because they spend so much time together. They love each other with this friendship kind of love.
[00:06:48] And we see these behaviors replicated amongst the friend group.
[00:06:55] Our last kind of love is eros.
[00:06:59] This passionate love, this romance and physical affection.
[00:07:04] We see this eros love in Song of Solomon. I am my beloved and my beloved is mine.
[00:07:12] Physically, this is very different than the other loves. This is a game changer, right? We get flushed, we get butterflies, we get sweaty. Like we don't know what's happening with our body right now.
[00:07:25] Emotionally, we get nervous we get lost for words. We don't know what to do or say.
[00:07:31] We stumble around things.
[00:07:34] And behaviorally this is a constant focus, a pursuit.
[00:07:40] This is where the idea of obsession comes into love. We are longing to impress someone. This is very different than a friend.
[00:07:49] And oftentimes behaviorally, with this kind of love, forgiveness is quicker. Getting over the wrong is quicker because of this passionate love love that we have.
[00:08:02] So we have Agape, Storge, Phileo and Eros.
[00:08:09] So what does God say about all of this?
[00:08:14] What does the Bible say about love? Well, ultimately, the Bible is the ultimate love story, his ultimate pursuit us that even when we sin, he provides a way for us to be reconciled.
[00:08:33] First John 3, 16, 17, 18 says this.
[00:08:38] This is how we know what love is.
[00:08:41] That Jesus Christ laid down his life for us and we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters.
[00:08:50] If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need, but but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person?
[00:08:59] Dear children, let us not love with words or speech, but with action and in truth.
[00:09:07] In the New Testament, love is one of the fruits of the Spirit.
[00:09:13] And First Corinthians chapter 13 is called the Love chapter. It talks all about it. I encourage you when you finish listening to this, open to First Corinthians 13 and read it for yourself.
[00:09:26] Now let's talk about some common missteps that we see take place when it comes to love.
[00:09:34] One common misstep is that we don't always point to Jesus when things are good and your child is experiencing one of these in a healthy way, point to Jesus.
[00:09:48] Point to his sacrifice and his example. And when it's not, when someone messes up, when someone feels unloved or hurt, point to Jesus.
[00:10:01] If it was you and you're the one that's hurt, have a conversation. Go to Jesus together in this.
[00:10:08] Love is a great opportunity to talk about Jesus.
[00:10:14] The second kind of misstep that is often seen is that this filet o kind of love, this friendship. Love in the child and teen years is often overlooked during adolescence.
[00:10:31] This is the biggest form of love your child will walk through. And it's the greatest opportunity for you as a parent to be present in the life of your child.
[00:10:43] Let me ask you, who are their top five friends?
[00:10:47] What's going on in their friends lives?
[00:10:49] What kind of things do they talk about when they hang out? Have their friends been over to your house?
[00:10:55] Have you had meals with their friends families?
[00:10:58] It is a great opportunity. These are the biggest relationships in their lives.
[00:11:03] Parents, we've got to do a better job connecting here.
[00:11:07] If you believe that your child is called to be a witness for Christ where they are, then their friendships matter a great deal.
[00:11:18] It's not an accident that God has placed these people in your child's life. So be an active participant in the friend game and it's a great opportunity for you to talk about the call that God has on their life to be a light to, to those friends.
[00:11:38] Another misstep that we see is when it comes to Eros.
[00:11:44] And I want to talk first, before I talk about passion for person, I want to talk about passion for things.
[00:11:50] You have an opportunity to join your kid in the thing that they love, to help them keep a healthy balance.
[00:12:00] And too often this Eros, this passion can overtake, help navigate that whatever it is that they're passionate about most of the time. Parents do good at this when it's a sport, but what about if it's not a sport? Are you involved in the things that your kids are excited about and passionate about and that you would say, oh, he's obsessed over that video game, but have you asked him to teach you how to play it?
[00:12:29] It's a great opportunity for you to inject yourself in the life of your kid about the things that they're passionate for.
[00:12:39] Now let's talk about the things, the people that they're passionate for.
[00:12:44] During teenage years, what we see culturally happening is a slipping away of things that you and I held out for.
[00:12:56] Now, obviously, when it comes to physical boundaries, yes, parents, you need to be having those conversations, have regular conversations about that. But there are many other boundaries that we have. Parents as a culture have decided they're really not okay doing, but we decide that they're okay doing.
[00:13:20] And so we see some of these cultural things and boundaries begin to slip away. I'm going to give you two examples of what I'm talking about.
[00:13:31] One is engagement pictures.
[00:13:35] I don't mean actual engagement pictures. I want to celebrate when it's actually time to take engagement pictures.
[00:13:43] However, too often I'm seeing posted on social media from 14 year olds, whether it's a school dance or maybe just a first time boyfriend. And they've hired a photographer and they've gotten dressed up specially. And here we are taking, aside from them not being engaged, what looks exactly like engagement pictures.
[00:14:09] And I can tell you from someone in my seat, working with teenagers time and time again, a little piece of that young lady's heart has been handed out to this boy who's they've had professional photos taken care of and they're probably going to break up.
[00:14:30] Help her, help that daughter save that piece of her heart until it's actually engagement pictures.
[00:14:40] Secondly, family vacations.
[00:14:44] Family vacations are an area that I see parents push that boundary way too early.
[00:14:52] If that person isn't in your family, I want to encourage you to have family vacations for family, not for family and the girlfriend at the time, not for family and the boyfriend at the time.
[00:15:07] All those family photos are going to have those people in them.
[00:15:11] And again, many times that person doesn't remain in their life. I want to encourage you to set up some boundaries as you would for family dinner night, family vacation.
[00:15:27] Finally, some practical tips when it comes to all of this.
[00:15:31] Don't forget the opportunity that you have to point them to Jesus in the midst of all of this conversation. Whatever kind of love it is that we've walked through, you have an opportunity as their parent to point them to Jesus.
[00:15:44] Secondly, set the example.
[00:15:47] Be the ones in your home who are loving well.
[00:15:52] Third, be present in the thing they love and help them navigate the balance.
[00:16:00] Couple of resources I want to throw your way. There's five love languages that have now been written for kids and five love languages for teenagers.
[00:16:08] If you have an opportunity to read those together with your teen, that's great. You guys can have a family convo about it. But at least read them.
[00:16:17] And don't forget, friendship is the biggest relationship that they have during their adolescent years. There's a great book called this Is Friendship by Amanda Mahias and Corinne Allen, and that would be a great thing for you to sit down and read.
[00:16:35] Love is more than a feeling. It's selfless in action and strong in affection.
[00:16:42] And we know this.
[00:16:43] We know what love is. Not because any definition we make up on our own, but because first, John 3:16 says that we know what love is, that Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. So in the whole conversation of love, turn it back to Christ.
